Were you to drive through the craggy swamp that is presently our driveway, you would arrive, after potentially knocking your exhaust system out or, if you’re lucky, just getting stuck in the mud, at an oasis of thick thorny bushes that look a little like this:

Pretty, I suppose? Verdant, at least. Whatever. Let’s look closer:

That’s right– they’re loaded with berries. Blackberries, and lots of them. And with this revelation, I’m hereby announcing the First Annual Crapshack Design Contest. We need a sign to put on an old wooden post and stick in the ground in front of these berries, something that says WELCOME TO THE CRAPSHACK. HAVE A FUCKING BERRY. And if you’re not a designer, well, should send it to all your designer friends, especially those who don’t mind getting paid in berries, and especially those who don’t have any crap for us, who should feel shamed enough to deliver something signedly wonderful.

But today’s richness is in more than just berries. We scored a Huge-Ass Pile of Beautifully Shaped Double Paned Windows. I don’t even know how many — 10, maybe? More? And don’t tell me to just count the panes, asshole, because our benefactors kept a couple.

They’re pretty nice, these windows, and cut in such a way that they’re never going to be mistaken for Crappy, but we’re not complaining. They’ve been sucked out of the frames you see below, because transporting a 25-foot-high frame full of windows down the road is a job for the chronically insane or the way-too-drunk. But you get the gist of it, surely– it’s going to be a glass palace among crapshacks by the time we’re through with the joint. And I can’t promise much (except berries, lots of berries), but I’ll bet the joint is going to simply SPARKLE.

Thanks to Dick and Barbara, who not only gave us these windows, but FED US and allowed us to dork around in their CANOE. Because, my friends, beggars CAN be choosers, and there’s nobody choosier than us. Very very sincere thanks and xo and as many berries as your stomachs can hold.